End of a long week

I am a little over a week post-op now. What a week it was. I knew going into this that changing your life was certainly not going to be easy. I would tell you that the reality of that was made evident this week. Now I am not complaining. I did have a good week overall and met several great milestones, more on that soon. What I am saying is that this is very hard, and I do mean very hard to change decades of bad habits. Food for me was a continuous series of bad choices. Tasty yes, but certainly not healthy.

So now I have this new "tool" I got with gastric bypass. It provides me with a huge advantage to change my eating habits and move to a much healthier lifestyle. The problem is that habits are not so easily broken. While I have not been physically hungry since my surgery despite being on only liquids until I heal, I have been battling "head hunger". That is when I think I am hungry, or have a food craving. Like when I see food on television, sit down and the kitchen table for dinner, walk thru the mall and smell the Pizza shop. I think "Wow I could really go for that" and quite literally feel hungry. The good news is that my "tool" is keeping me on track. I force myself to think; I am really hungry and if so could I really have any of those foods. Of course the answer both questions is no. But that pause, does help me reset my thinking and realize that my habit of how I ate before is not yet broken. Thank goodness for my tool. I know it is going to take some time for my head to catch up with my body, but until then, my tool is doing its job.

The good news from this week is that I am feeling much better overall. The good days are out weighing the bad days (no pun intended). I am now getting to the Gym every other day. I am taking it easy, as I am still sore. I am reaching my protein intake goal nearly every day, although I am really sick of protein shakes. I have lost 16 pounds since my surgery and 38 pounds since January. That is very encouraging and is my main motivation right now. So I guess it was, all things considered, a difficult but very good week.

Home from the Hopsital

I am home from the hospital now and really just starting to feel better and up to blogging. So here is what happened over last several days in which may have started the biggest change in my life outside of my wedding day and the birth of my daughter.

Wednesday

I got to the hospital (Lancaster General) around 8:30 AM after a night with very little sleep.  I really tried to stay "numb" as I did not want to get myself worked-up.  Plus I had to be the big macho man for my wife's benefit if not my own.  While I was not as nervous as I thought I would be,  I just wanted to get through the surgery and be in hospital my room.  The Versed also helped in taking the edge off. The last thing I remember is being taken to the OR and seeing Dr. Brader and the anesthesiologist.

Ironically my biggest fear was waking up in recovery with the breathing tube in place; which apparently is what happened. I was told later by Dr Brader and my wife, I "freaked out" and tried to remove the tube on my own.  Luckily there were about 5 guys there to prevent me from doing that. The good news is that I have no memory of that, for which I am very thankful.  I had a normal surgery other that a power failure in the OR, and a stuck NG tube, which added some extra time to the procedure.  My surgeon, to say the least, was not happy that his instruments were not on a battery back-up and he had to wait twenty minutes for them to come back online.  Dr. Brader assured me that I was never in any danger and I am sure he will correct that issue with the hospital. 

I was back in my room by late afternoon.  I was in a lot a pain and I was extremely nauseous.  The whole night really seems like a blur, as I lived in 10 minute increments waiting for my PCA pump to allow another dose of morphine.  I must be honest and say it was a very long night and I really didn't sleep. I questioned why the hell I did this to myself. So I just kept thinking tomorrow would be better and I just need to get through this. In the middle of the night my morphine pump broke and it took them a couple of hours to get it replaced.  If I was not so miserable, I think I would have been very upset. 

Thursday

So after a very long night it was now time for by swallow test.  Keep in mind that I have not had anything to drink since Tuesday at midnight and I was a dry as the desert, still in a lot of pain and VERY nauseous. My swallow test consisted of drinking some very nasty tasting fluid and watching it on an X-Ray work it's way through my new pouch.  Actually this was not a bad I imagined it being and the test showed no leaks in any of the new connections.  I was "good" shape.  I was also assured I made the right choice in surgeons as Dr Brader actually performs his own test.  I would imagine that many others delegate this duty to the Rad/Tech staff.  It was certainly nice to see him there.  


Once the test was finished it was back to my room and I could now get some liquids.  Water never tasted so good.  I was shocked that I could be happy and thankful for drinking an 1/8th of an ounce at a time.  I was also given some oral pain medication which worked much better for me than the morphine did.  Sadly the rest of Thursday and most Thursday night were very difficult for me.  I was have a lot of gas pain from the surgery and was very nauseous still.  I was told prior to surgery that walking was the only way to get rid of the gas and relieve the pain.  So I did many laps around the unit all day and most of the night.  I remember around 1 AM Friday morning deciding to walk until the pain went away.  I prayed as I walked that I had enough and needed some relief.  I must have walked around the hallways for 40 minutes with out stop.  Thankfully, my prayers were answered and the gas began to dissipate relieving the pain.  

Friday
By the morning I was feeling better.  Better than I thought I was ever going to feel again.  It had been a long couple of days. I really wondered during that time if I had done the right thing and questioned if I would always feel this way   But after a shower, which felt great, and positive lab results I was ready to go home.   I slept most of the day on Friday, which also helped me feel much better.


It was nice to have so many of my friends stop by or call with their well wishes and support. It would have been impossible to get through with out this.  My wife really looked out for me, so I never really worried about what was happening and I was able to focus on the moment and quite frankly get through what I needed to get through.  The hospital staff was excellent and they really understood and help me manage through my stay.  This was definitely the hardest thing I have ever done.  But now that I am home I am try to get into my new routine and adjust to two weeks of liquids.  Hope I get through this a little easier than my last couple of days.  I am very anxious to see how much I am able to lose in the next couple of weeks, keeping my fingers crossed.

 

Last Weekend Before Surgery

With the weekend quickly approaching I am finding myself thinking about my surgery quite a lot.  I only have 4 days of "normal" food until I am on liquids for 2 weeks, then soft foods (baby-food) for two weeks. But even in saying that I think that is fine, I am just that much closer to my goal.

I have completed all my pre-op blood work, chest x-rays, and tomorrow I will have my EKG.  My labs look better since I started my diet.  Not perfect, but certainly better.  I have met with Dr. Brader and his nurse so I am certainly now in countdown mode.  Even added an app on my I-Phone telling me the hours, minutes and seconds until my procedure. 5 day and 14 hours left.   I have not been as nervous as I thought I may be, but more excited to really start losing.  This weekend I will be stocking up on all the items I will need post -op after I get back from Atlantic City with some of my friends.  Kind of a last chance get a way before my surgery and recovery.  It should be a blast. 

I have been working out very hard the past several days as I am thinking it will be a couple of weeks until I am back at the gym and I only have a couple of days left.  My trainer has really been working me hard, but he is great and really motivates me.  In fact, his new nickname is Jillian. So I am now off to gym, later

The Last Hurdle

I cleared the last remaining hurdle today. Both insurance companies have signed off and approved my surgery. Thank goodness. So I am now really in the home stretch. I have a couple of more appointments with Dr. Brader and his team this week. Theses are the final steps before my surgery in 14 days. Tomorrow I have my last nutrition class where I get my post op diet.  Thursday I meet with Dr. Brader and get my pre-op blood work. Work has approved my LOA so I am about as ready as I can get.

I am doing well with my diet and exercise this week, down a couple of more pounds even with my bucket list. Oh, I didn't mention my bucket list? Well, it is somewhat silly. Since I will be on a  VERY restrictive diet, and some food will be off my menu for a long time if not permanently, I have a bucket list of last dinners and activities I want to have and do. 

Now I know that all you armchair psychologist out there are thinking that this is not the proper mindset and if I were more serious about this process, I would simply stick with the plan. To that I would say you are probably right. But it is more about celebrating with my friends; like having a farewell party before you leave on a journey. My journey is weight loss surgery and health life style change. Plus my "bucket list" is fairly tame.

• Breakfast at my favorite diner - Alice's - Tom's Atomic Bomb

• Dinner - Sushi at Wasabi Thanks Ed and Leah

• Weekend in Atlantic City with the Guy

• Pub Crawl with my friends

The nervousness I had been feeling has been replaced with a feeling of excitement and anticipation to start seeing BIG (ahem) smaller results and start a whole new chapter of eating healthy and activities I have been missing out on - Can't wait !

The Verdict

The verdict is in and I am now scheduled to have my surgery on April 14th.  So the count down has begun.  19 days and counting.  Really only 19 days?  After thinking about this for 12 months and working toward it since September, that seems so soon.  My wife asked me if I was excited and for many reasons I am very excited.  But mostly I just want to get through this part.  I have to be honest in that I am REALLY NOT looking forward to the surgery part.  The first couple of days post-op are going to be tough I am sure.  Followed by several weeks of liquids and pureed foods.  What I need to focus on is the change that the surgery will help me accomplish.  A healthier and more active lifestyle.  After all, who would want to have surgery except if you need to.  I have a good surgeon and will be in good hands, so I should take a deep breath and relax.  This is going to be a very good thing for me.

Panic on the Bridge

Well tomorrow should be the day I find out if I am having my surgery next month. I did have a panicky moment while driving over the Burlington-Bristol bridge this afternoon. I was thinking about my surgery hoping I don't wake up and realize I have made a huge mistake. That I will be in tremendous pain and feel like I just ruined my life. Plus being stopped at the top of the bridge add a bit of panic of it's own. Luckily, as I was descending the bridge my anxiety also decreased. I know it will be very hard and a huge adjustment, but that is exactly why I am doing this. I can't keep doing the same things and expecting different results. So I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that I hear good news. I really am SO READY for this.

Meeting with Dr. Brader's team

Today was my final one on one meeting with Lindsay and Kevin. Lindsay put me through a rigorous series of physical fitness tests. Well not exactly rigorous. I needed to walk a flight of stairs, get out of bed, pick up a box, and walk for 6 minutes. It was not difficult, but I certainly understand why they do this. It made me feel a little better knowing that I have the exercise part down. Needless to say I cleared this hurdle.

Next I met with Kevin. This is definitely the hard part. The diet. The good news is that I am doing better controlling my portions, and limiting my snacks. But the really hard part will be no liquids with meals. It is because you can get more food into your "pouch" if you drink while you eat and that will decrease your weight loss. So I have committed to begin that tomorrow. Stay tuned.

So with that I have met all my pre-surgical requirements:

• 6 Month Medically Supervised Diet with a 10 pound weight loss
• Attend a support group meeting
• Attend numerous group and individual fitness and nutrition meetings
• Begin an exercise program
• Pass a physiological evaluation (how I don't know)
• Blood work
• Lastly today's physical evaluation.

Dr. Brader and his team will review my case on Friday. I should find out then when my surgery will occur. I am really hoping it is some time in April. Keeping my finger crossed that everything comes together.

The Begining

This is it. The beginning. Well, not really the beginning, but the start of my blog about my journey to transform my life by losing 170 pounds. I began my journey six months ago when I decided to consider weight loss surgery. At that time I weighed in at 350 pounds. Very stout by anyone's standards. I was both excited and depressed when I learned I was a good candidate for the procedure. So here are my rants, raves, pictures, and progress as I make this journey to a healthier, more fit and yes smaller me. Ready, Set, Begin.